Lenni Morkel-Kingsbury:visual artist
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Dancing with fear: Resistance is full of shit!

11/22/2016

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Picture
Today I want to pack everything in my studio up and throw it all away!

It comes like that sometimes- the self criticism paralysis.

Triggered by a fear of the unknown, and the uncertain...it forms like a bundle of tightly wound, copper wire in the base of my stomach and entwines  and nourishes itself  on every fear, every doubt , every negative thought. It sometimes grows into the most loathsome behaviour: self- deception; self-sabotage; self-corruption.




Picture
Some refer to this as a "block" ,  a kind of paralysis , the antithesis of creativity.  But... I kind of agree with Steven Pressfield who describes this as resistance ( with a capital R in The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win your Creative Battles, 2012) , and suggests that creativity , innovation and Resistance come from the same place. He suggests that most of us have two lives: "the life we live and the unlived life within us"( pp. 4) and that in between the two is Resistance.

He describes Resistance as something that:

"..cannot be seen, touched, heard or smelled. But it can be felt. We experience it as an energy field radiating from a work-in-potential. It's a repelling force. It's negative. Its aim is to shove us away ,distract us , prevent us from doing our work"( pp.7)

He also emphasises that Resistance is not something that arises from  the outside, from circumstance, environment , or relationships, but it is purely from within. Resistance is "self-generated and self-perpetuated" ( pp . 8)

I know this to be true. When it rises to the surface and entangles itself around my thoughts, Resistance tells me that I can't succeed or proceed because -" I am not good enough at what I do" ... "my studio space is too small"... " I should be spending my time on work that earns money instead" ..."I don't have the right to  waste time on this" ..."it's inconvient to have to move from one space to another to finish that work and it intrudes on normal living in the rest of the house"..." it's pointless because others don't see this as a real job or work"..."someone is doing all this better than me anyway"..." I should be doing something else"..." artists are not respected by society"...blah blah blah blah...the lies are seductive and unrelenting!

Resistance is , as Steven Pressfield says..." full of shit!"

For me, the antidote to Resistance , is persistence,  or faith, if you like. Somewhere tangled in all that bullshit is a truth that is mine alone: the truth of me;  and of being true to myself, even to my fears. Elizabeth Gilbert, in Big Magic (2015), reminds us that "fear will always show up when we are being inventive or innovative"( pp.23)  Creativity dances with the unknown, and the uncertain, and fear is an integral part of that process. Resistance feeds on fear, but so does creativity. For me the challenge is  to find the rhythm of persistence when fear asks me to dance. And when Resistance cuts in and whispers his sweet lies in my ears, I need to remember that my dance card is  fully booked up with the truth of me!


Gilbert, E. (2015). Big magic.Bloomsbury Publishing, New York.

Pressfield, S. (2012). The war of art: Break through the blocks and win your inner creative battles. New York: Black Irish Entertainment.


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    About this blog

    many roads...                           ...on the journey words follow me,                              push me forward,                  and sometimes, overtake me.

    This is my attempt to map them, And navigate my way through meaning.
    Lenni M-K

    This blog is about my creative process, ideas and inspiration for new work, projects that I am working on, cool things that other artists are doing, ideas about memory and identity that I am trying to make sense of. Stop by to share the creative journey and say hi! 

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  • Home
  • About Lenni
    • Make, narrate (Lenni's CV)
  • Blog: navigating meaning
  • Portfolio
    • Narrative adornment and objects gallery >
      • Flowers for Oberon
      • Words don't come easy
      • Alluring series
      • Daisy chain
      • Inner librarian
      • My precious ( I remember) 2014
      • Archives: Narrative jewellery >
        • Cat and me series
        • Save/delete
        • I heart Brunswick Arts
        • Bear with me...
        • Life is a hammer and a forge
        • Trees, life and flowers etc
        • Things that are bugging me...
    • Stitches >
      • Meditations on Myrtle Grace ...
      • A heart so big
      • Lines of my time
      • All we have are our emojis
      • Archives: Stitching things >
        • Stitch-a-hug-month >
          • Stitch-a-hug BLOG
    • Sculpture and installations gallery
    • Illustrations/images gallery >
      • Illustrations for education and online learning